Thursday, June 20, 2019

The Last Will And Testament of Captain Danyo of Remlia,

I have traveled many worlds and I have spit in more eyes than most and fighting this dragon has put a lot into perspective for me. Eventually life gonna catch up with me and when it does my vast accumulation of wealth aught to go somewhere useful (assuming there’s any left). That’s why I’m having Steven write out these laying down papers for me before we go off to rescue Lurr. 

I’m not sure how you’re gonna get these things to these folks, since I myself don’t quite understand the nature of my traveling, but if you ever run into them by chance, here’s the distribution.

(Assuming of course I’m dead when you read this and you didn’t just sneak into the captains quarters to steal my wine)

There’s a Knight named Ragna in Remlia somewhere, I was told he was dead, but I think that may have been the treacherous lies of an old wizard. Give him my fishing pole and tell him to relax.

There’s a strip club in Tyr called the Cat’s Bones, give them half of any coin I’ve managed to scrape together by the time this gets opened, and tell them I was always a better dancer and these are my tips to prove it- they’ll get a kick outta that. The other half of the coin should go to Birch and Bat, they’re good folks.

As I’m having Steven write this I have in my possession several weapons of a magical nature. They have specific scabbards, and if I don’t manage to sheathe them myself I would have Rana do it for me, because I’ve seen the ice behind her eyes and I know she wouldn’t fuck it up. 

Blossom Buster and Spear Mynt go in the gut of the Elf King of Figaro, the bastard.
Tammy gets firmly planted in the skull of Kalak, former sorcerer king of Tyr.
Underbite goes with its sibling: Overbite, into the hands of Jasper Black, one of the greatest Fighters I’ve ever known.

Speaking of Jasper, I’m giving you my title (and hat) of Captain of the Tresendar. Don’t run it aground if you can manage.

Runt, I’d like for you to take care of Sandy, the Displacer Kitten I picked up in Athas- be careful with her, she’s getting kind of big. I saw her phase her whole mouth around a chicken the other day and I got  worried so I locked her below deck with a rum barrel and a few goats. She really likes drinking blood though so if it’s too much to handle you can probably foist her onto Milly. There’s also one last hit of blue sand behind the secret compartment in my self portrait above my bed, twist the eyepatch counterclockwise and have a good time with it bud.

Millie, I’m leaving you this pop up book I found in your home country, my doll collection, and my wardrobe, there’s some fun stuff in there and I know you’ll have a good time with it. Give my love to your mom and dad- 

A few other quick things- there’s a pickled goblin hand I found in a cave in Remlia some years ago, give it to the Pirate Queen of Mintarn and tell her I said I dig her style.

Look up Silas and Theodosia and give them my bronze medusa mirror, I dunno if it does anything weird but they’ve got a mirrored ceiling so I figure they’ll put it to good use.

That’s about it I think, I hope I didn’t miss anything or anyone- but if I did and you think something is rightfully yours,

Steal it back.


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